Waiting....

It seems that so much of our time in the past few months has been waiting....waiting for my back to get better, waiting at the hospital, waiting to know when we were going back to Brasil. Now that we're here, we're waiting for our place to live. It still could be a few weeks.

It's going to be another few weeks before we're to move into a house of our own, until then we'll be adding to the 40 days, as of today, that we've been living out of suitcases.

I can't help but see a theme. I think, at least for me, God is serious about taking my trust to a new level. I've always struggled with trusting Him. I have no idea why, since He's always proven Himself faithful. I think sometimes, I expect a certain outcome to a prayer request or problem and when it doesn't work out in a way that makes sense to me, I falter in my trust of Him. This weakness is not a real peace giver. What happens is, I'm in essence saying that I know what's best and when God doesn't do the genie-in-the-bottle thingy, then I get upset cause I didn't get my way.

Of course, I make it look a little more spiritual. I call it discouragement, or stress, or say that things are difficult, but in reality, God is in control and I need to be on His page.

Being on His page isn't that hard for me, but it's when I have no idea what His page looks like and I'm trying to find it. That is the hardest for me. I want to be follwing Him, trusting Him, but when the answer is not ready to be revealed, I have to wait in the state of the unknown and that is hard for me to do. Not the waiting part necessarily, but the unknown. I like my ducks in a row.

What does ducks in a row have to do with anything that I'm talking about?? Let's take our departure to Brasil as an example: We didn't have all of the funds to come down and get set up in a home, with a car, and to receive our container. Not only that, a home was not yet ready for us.

Usually we pray, plan and see that the details are worked out in our plan before we move forward.(Ducks are in a row) For us, it's been a safe way to operate. We feel it helps to confirm the will of God in our lives. If there are obstacles, we pray about them, trying to find it it's one God put there to let us know it's not what He wants for us, or if it's an obstacle put there for us to climb and learn and grow in the process.

Getting down here to Brasil wasn't a "ducks-in-a-row" situation. But I think that God decided He wanted our faith to be stretched in a newer way than ever before. To me it was like He was saying, "Step off of the cliff and see that I am your safety net." I don't like cliffs! I operate in a safer area, especially after weeks of one thing after another happening and stress already being at an incredibly high level. No, I really don't like cliffs. BUT, I didn't have any other option. It's what God wanted me to do. Am I serious about being a student? Have I really meant the prayers for the Lord to reveal in me things that need to be changed and areas that I need to grow? Ok, I have to jump then. WATCH OUT BELOW!!! But He's my safety net, and He will not allow me to fall. Psalm 121.